Did you know that it’s not the actual act of failing that we’re most afraid of, but what the others will thinks of us if we do fail?
It’s the judgment of others we fear.
Is what we believe others think of us that triggers that fear.
What we are unaware of is that the true trigger goes much deeper than that and is self-judgment.
Self-judgement is at the core of our fear.
Yes! That’s the point most of us miss. We place the harshest judgement on ourselves, but project it in such a way that we create a reality in which we are most vulnerable. Vulnerability that eventually stops us from feeling good about ourselves, about our choices, about the outcome of our choices.
The judgements that we hear are the insecurities we developed.
Insecurities trap us in our self-made prisons and turn us into victims.
Let me share a personal story with you … Together with my daughter I recently launched a business and had to start going out to promote the products and create a distribution channel. As I was getting ready to go out, all I could think of was how people will reject my offering, which of course would have been about rejecting me, my ideas, since I’m the founder. … I felt nauseous, embarrassed, crushed before I even started. I felt embarrassed for something that didn’t even happen! I saw judgement on the faces, in the eyes and in the voices of those who didn’t even know yet that I existed or that my product existed! And all of that knowing that the people who heard my idea and/or experienced the products were very impressed.
I paused and tuned into those feelings asking myself where are they coming from? Where is that fear coming from and why? Stepping back and taking a different perspective is always very helpful and it is an effective self-coaching technique too. After some inward searching I realised that my fears had nothing to do with the people I was going to approach, but rather it had to do with me and my ego. So I paid attention to each and every aspect:
- New business/ innovative approach – to succeed I must get the product out there to test it and improve it;
- Strong desire to succeed – believe in the product, be objective and open to improve it;
- Letting my daughter down – the best lesson is to teach her to give it a go and to believe in herself
Both my products and me have been welcomed with an open attitude. Some people were more interested than others and I learnt lots about presenting my products better and raising the interest of the potential buyers. I also identified gaps in the market that I’m now working on developing products for.
All that anxiety, all those negative thoughts were all created by my mind.
The reality proved me wrong.
What if I would’ve listened to my thoughts and followed my fears?